Its that question I'm always afraid to Ask other Foster Parents....
Do You Think it was Worth It? .....
As I look at my life today... it was a struggle to just get through the day. I felt so overwhelmed. Its the constant chaos that comes with a family of our dynamics. Older kids with ADHD that keep the little ones way more wound up than necessary. Constant commotion in a hectic day where nothing at all seemed to go right! And then when I showed my own frustration... Panic attacks and hysterics from a teenager. I instantly felt angry. Why was it they could have a melt down any old time over just about anything... But after weeks of one thing after another being broken or just craziness ... when I have finally reached the end of my rope.. I get the slightest bit cranky and they are defensive and I am made to feel horrible for lashing out at them in the slightest. And I didn't even YELL... I was just irritated. No I wasn't pleasant ... I'm not Marry Poppins for crying out loud.
Its days like today i start to question myself.. Did I even make the right decision. What if I had just accepted my life in a simpler format. What would it have been like. Wouldn't things be way less complicated. And less financially stressful. What if I had just focused on me and improving my situation... what fun experiences would I have rather than broken down washing machines ... busted book shelves and stained carpets.
But Instead of second Guesses ...I'll close my eyes... pray for sleep that might actually leave me feeling rested and try to focus on the second chances we give when we look beyond ourselves.
Its way past late... and I"m the kind of tired that sleep doesn't even fix. So off to bed.. In hopes of a brighter... less complicated... Hoping for any sense of normalcy Kind of day tomorrow.
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